first thing i wanted to put on here was that i've got
a new song that i like:

maaaan, i don't mean to miss the meaning of it, because i do get what it's trying to say. anyways,
with that said.

i like, relate to it, but not in the depressing way it's meant? like, this sounds like the ideal life for me
even if i crash out and burn.

or like, to put it another way... i think it'd be worth it
to be something incredible? god that sounds
lame, but like...

ok, so to put it in the words of someone smarter than me, the late SOPHIE once said in an interview:

"I think all pop music should be about who can make the loudest, brightest thing. That to me, is an interesting challenge, musically and artistically. And I think its a very valid challenge - just as valid as who can be the most raw emotionally. I dont know why that is prioritized by a lot of people as something that's more valuable. The challenge I'm interested in being part of is who can use current technology, current images and people, to make the brightest, most intense, engaging thing."

and that's a concept i think about a lot; being the loudest, brightest thing. but less about what i make and more about the very essence of who i want to be, as a person... idgaf how fake it makes me sound, but presentation is all about that - how i present myself, yeah? and i've decided that i want to be loud and intense and hard to look away from. if it can't be in a good way, at least make it entertaining.

so like, i hear this song about being fake and being anything but boring, even if the focus is on how much that sucks, i can't help but think... fuck yeah! like, all that would be worth it IMO if i could just dazzle people!

is that lowkey suicidal of me or what

idgaf either way. like i'm gonna die anyways, so what's the point of doing everything i can to cling onto my good health and youth and whatever other dumb shit? what'll it buy me, another decade or two of old age if everything goes right? the fuck is that good for? so i can die in a nursing home thinking about how boring my life was? i'd rather go out with a bang.

i know all that sounds depressing to other people, but i'm just saying it how it is. i take "emotional rawness" as a valid way of being loud and impactful. it's not depressing to me anyways, cuz i'm just explaining my way of thinking about life. it's not like i spend all my time thinking about how i'm gonna die. that's what other parts are for.

anyways yeah. that's what i came here to say. i'm willing to sacrifice anything to be entertaining. or would it be closer to say i'm willing to sacrifice anything to be entertainment? genuinely who cares hahahaha.