main page & about us.

welcome to my/our blog.

this is for our longform writings on various DID related topics. i intend to have separate blogs for whichever alters want their own.

first, an introduction to us:

collective trying to figure it all out.

26 years old. she/it.

overall, we prefer parts language for ourselves.

we do not have our own names, which makes things very confusing. we distinguish ourselves by descriptor (i.e. 'confident part', 'bullied child part', etc). any names used here are essentially pseudonyms in order to make it somewhat easier for others to follow.

we don't have much of an inner world, either. we're working on making one in therapy.

our communication is... weird. i don't know how to describe it. it feels like we share memories and communicate well, but i keep finding evidence that suggests otherwise. amnesia for amnesia. there was a period of our life in which alters acted autonomously without awareness for each other. those barriers are not as strong now, and we've been learning more about each other since.

why this site?

i have two main reasons for wanting this site to exist:

the first is to document that systems like me exist.

i first realized i was plural around 2014/2015. at the time, i was 14/15 and actively going through one of the lowest, most traumatic points in my entire life. all of the information i found on plurality came from online spaces. unfortunately for me, a lot of my experiences didn't match up with what i was seeing in the online spaces i was in back then. we didn't have our own names. we didn't know how many alters there were. we often didn't know who was fronting at any given time. we couldn't connect to any spiritual meaning as to why we were the way we were. we couldn't match different alters to different archetypes, and most of the archetypes didn't apply to anyone in our system. in fact, we didn't view ourselves as alters at all... rather, we experienced (and still do, to this day) DID as each of us being the only "real" part, who has their own life constantly intruded on by other, confusing, frightening, fake versions of ourselves. essentially, we all identify as the same person, yet we fail to view other parts as being, well, us. if that sounds confusing to you, don't worry, we're confused, too.

so, within a year, we came to the conclusion that, because we didn't fit in well enough, it must be because we didn't have DID. cue almost a decade of repression. of course, that didn't make the DID go away. it just made us scared and confused.

it's only years later, now an adult in my mid-twenties, that i very slowly eased myself back into the idea that, yeah, Something's Wrong in a way that hasn't been touched by the past decade of different therapy modalities and medication. i started reading clinical literature, where i was blown away to find described experiences similar to my own. not a 1:1 match, of course, because every system is unique, but it was the first time i (or any of us) felt seen. there are others like us. we just hadn't seen them.

since then, i've been reaching out to other systems and finding more that operate similarly to mine. we're more common than you'd think. unfortunately, the kind of covert, inherently confusing nature of identity here is really, really difficult to put into words. regardless, i want to try. i do want there to be some public recollection of one more way DID can present itself. maybe someone out there can see themselves in this. even if you don't, i would like it if this at least gave a little window into new experiences.

the second reason for this, somewhat related to the first, is self exploration.

we've tried many, many times to use various apps and lists and so on to categorize who we are. these rarely have worked out for us. i suspect the reason is that most of these attempts were focused on our identities - name, age, pronouns, etc. - when the identity aspect of things is one of the least differentiated things about us. after all, identity is easy to assert. people generally know their names, their ages, where they're from. what's difficult is the parts that can't fall so neatly into a descriptor or a phrase.

i'm hoping that, through something that's less structured and more web art, we can instead express our own points of view, thoughts, and experiences in a way that feels more natural to us. i think it's been helping.

Newsbox
last updated: 9.27.2025
	latest update: our perspective on final fusion.